Solving Personal Problems

You have personal problems; I have personal problems. In some cases, the “we” have problems. Secular personal problems have difficulties all their own. How do you solve them, or where do you get help? Aside from medication, which ultimately fails long term, four solution methods are available. For problems related to health or work, other methods are used.

A. (Reverberation model). Two friends meet to discuss problems. Both talk continuously about their personal problems and talk over the other, with hardly a murmur about the other. Yet, each nods, smiles, or frowns as appropriate. During the cacophony of chatter, each has the illusion of giving help. Such pairs are usually self-absorbed to the point they are scarcely aware of the other. Who knows if any problem is solved, but just talking them through often helps.

B. (Sounding Board model). Here we have the one explaining problems to the other, with only a nod or head shake are needed. This person is listening to herself; any value comes from hearing this “external” voice. Needed is a good listener. The reverberation model could be also called a noisy sounding board.

C. (Feedback Loop). Here we have the one telling the problems to another and the listener is trying to help by clarifying, by suggesting, by concluding, and by questioning. Needed is a good but intelligent listener, as it is so easy to get bad advice. Giving bad advice is a career choice with job title “counselor.” High schools are full of them. What the listener must understand is the personal responsibility coming from giving advice. What if it is taken? On the other hand, those problem-burdened must select carefully from whom to seek advice. Professional psychologists, friends, and clergymen are common sources. For a few, it may the barber, barrister, or bartender. As with most illness, many problems dissolve or disappear in time’s course.

D. (Echo Chamber model). You have a problem and you think it through and through, echoing it over and back your mind. Finally, possible solutions or resolutions occur. You consider these solutions through and through, possibly electing one of them. Go. But sometimes nothing. The problem remains. One risk is you can think yourself into a corner where the problem is constant, continual, maybe worse, but never solved.

In each, a considered trust is vested in the listener for both confidentiality and any advice offered. Bad advice acts more like a poison than merely a bad meal. In the echo chamber, there is an implied trust in one’s own ability to solve the problem. If by analogy, you live your life traveling down raging rapids, it may be difficult to imagine any solution placing you in a blue lagoon.

Which side of the conversation are you on, reverb, sounding board, or feedback? Perhaps you live in your own echo chamber. Always, it is good to know. Indeed, some use all, depending on the problem.

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