Newest Activist Weapon

With billions of toilet paper rolls hoarded from last year and millions of gallons of gasoline hoarded this year, activists have announced their latest "peaceful protest" weapon of the future.

Recipe: Take a roll of toilet paper soaked in a quart of gasoline. Wrap tightly in foil wrap with toilet paper fuse on the surface. Light and hurl. Burns for hours*.

Call it the Molotov Bathroom Cocktail. With both gasoline and toilet paper organic, it becomes the Green solution to enlightened change.

*Burn time is extended using an oil-gasoline mixture, but this is unacceptable to Green New Deal advocates.

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